


Blue, the most human color

by NotThatSavvy



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Hotdaga
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 10:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15661743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotThatSavvy/pseuds/NotThatSavvy
Summary: The Chili Wars took their toll on everyone, but none more than the two that ended it, that assassinated the Space Pope and brought peace to the galaxy through fire and death. After the destruction of a refugee transport during their escape, Mike Soup and Doctor Goondis have a falling out, and Goondis is left alone on the alien world of Tomat-0. Fortunately, he has some company in the form of dumb, blue, peachlike aliens that are way too cute for their own good. Unfortunately, there’s a darkness rising, and things on the plupple planet aren’t going to be bright for long.





	Blue, the most human color

Dr. Ernesto Gordon Goondis was cracking, a few faint lines stretching across his alabaster shell, like a spider web that told the story of every hit he had taken during the Chili wars, of every life he had slain. It was a horrible reminder, and the egg made sure to keep the pilot’s cap he wore pulled down as far as possible, to hide the scars of his past, of what he helped to do.

The war had taken its toll on every soldier that had fought during it, but none so far as the two that ended it, that finally brought an end to the terrible reign of the Space Pope Chili the IX. Captain Mike Soup and his trusted pilot, Dr. Goondis had flown the Starship Minestrone into a peaceful province of space, an area carrying dozens of transports full of refugees looking for a new home. They knew they were disobeying orders from their superiors, but the war had gone on for far too long. The Space Pope’s warship was there. It was their only chance to end this suffering once and for all.

Mike left alone to complete their mission, sneaking aboard to assassinate the Pope in his sleep and spare millions of lives from his evil reign. Meanwhile, Goondis kept the ship idling in the hanger bay, waiting anxiously for the soup’s return.

When Mike got back to the ship though, everything fell apart fast.

The assassination attempt was a full blown success, as was their smooth escape. The Pope was dead and they were on their way home, but word spread quickly and military vessels began surrounding the small starship as soon as they realized what had happened.

An all out battle took place and Goondis did his best to weave through the civilian ships, to spare any more lives from this godforsaken war, but it wasn’t long before a large transport full of refugees blocked their way out and before he could redirect the Minestone’s path, Mike lunged forward, pressing a red button in the middle of the dash and...

Suddenly torpedos were flying towards the ship. The cracks in the doctor’s shell ached as he remembered the explosion, the shattering of glass and metal, the reflection of fire in Mike’s stone cold eyes. A nearby planet saved them from dying in the vacuum of space, but that didn’t mean they didn’t die anyways. He remembered the dark expression on Mike’s face when he’d pressed that button, the face of someone he’d once considered a friend, or at one point...maybe more than that. Now all he could remember when he thought back on those days were the eyes of a cold-blooded killer.

Goondis’s heart shattered like an egg shell when he thought back on that horrible moment and realized just how far the war had pushed them, how different they both had become.

The worst part about it all was that, when he really thought about it, Mike had made the right decision. There was no way he could’ve avoided the ship. They would’ve crashed into it regardless, and if the fire and smoke hadn’t covered them in their escape, they would certainly have been found by the remaining Chili forces. However, that didn’t change the fact that Goondis would’ve been more happy being dead than living after something like that. He felt nauseous and weak, and every time he looked at Mike, he felt even more sick with what he had helped to do.

There was an almost purple glow to the planet they had landed on, everything a vibrant shade of lavender that contrasted starkly against the cerulean sky. Goondis could hear Mike talking with the Minestrone from his spot a few yards away. The two were arguing quietly to themselves whilst Mike continued his repairs, fixing the damage of the explosion as best as possible with the resources he had.

Dr. Goondis didn’t care enough to listen in on their conversation and, despite his technical prowess, he didn’t offer to help patch up the ship either. He just sat there, staring up at the blue, alien sky of this planet they’d landed on and wondering what good came out of this war at all. There was still yolk running down his face from the wounds he’d suffered, but he didn’t wipe it off. He didn’t move from his spot on the violet grass of the purple planet. 

He just didn’t care anymore.

After a while, he heard footsteps approach him, and someone nearby cleared their throat. Goondis glanced up and saw the familiar red and white colored soup can looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

“Leave me alone, Mike. I’m not in the mood.” The egg grumbled, looking away again.

Mike shifted a bit, nervous, and his eyes drifted away, almost as if they’d rather be anywhere else. “Well, I just figured I’d let you know the Minestrone’s all fixed up. She uh...she’s ready to leave once you’re done.”

Goondis didn’t answer him, just continuing to look up at the sky.

A heavy silence grew between the two of them before the soup sighed. “Ernie, I had to. If we didn’t make it outta there, we would’ve been chili sauce, blown up to smithereens. It may sound selfish to you, but I don’t wanna die, and I sure as hell wasnt gonna take you and the Minestrone with me.”

Ernesto Gordon Goondis whirled around to face him, his eyes narrowed at his former friend. “5,000 people, Mike.” He snapped. “5,000 innocent people were on that transport ship, goddamnit. Your recklessness killed them all!”

The soup didn’t even react, looking down at the cracked egg with a blank expression on his face. “I did what I had to do.”

“You didn’t have to do squat!” Tears were running down Goondis’s face now. “You didn’t have to save anyone. I didn’t want to be saved if this is what it meant!!”

Mike stared at him for another long moment before looking away, his eyes cold. “I guess that means you aren’t comin’ with us then... Don’t worry, I’ll tell ‘em you died in the blast...take the punishments onto myself and tell the general I buried you here. It isn’t far from the truth anyways.” Mike began to walk away, but before he boarded the Minestrone, he turned back to face Goondis.

All the emotions Mike had been hiding surfaced on his face then, and the egg caught a glimpse of hurt and anger, sadness and frustration and above all a pain worse than any wound they had suffered from the war.

“Goodbye old friend.” Mike said, and he disappeared into the ship. The Starship Minestrone left the planet soon after, taking off and vanishing from view. Goondis watched the ship leave with a distant, far away expression.

Mike didn’t see the brief look of regret on Goondis’s face when he boarded the ship, taking off to find some new path among the stars, but even if he did, nothing would’ve changed. There were some wounds that would never heal, Goondis knew, thinking of the cracks now stretching across his shell. And even if he forgave Mike eventually, the only thing he really wanted at the moment was to be alone, even if it was on an unfamiliar alien planet.

As he sat there, leaning against a large plant and resting atop its soft purple leaves, he closed his eyes and hummed to himself, the familiar tune of a song he had written allowing some brief respite from his worried mind.

It was better this way. The ride back to Earth would have been awkward, and he would’ve certainly been held responsible for what Mike had done considering he was the one flying the ship. No, it was better to be presumed dead than to be a wanted war criminal. And there were worse places in the universe to end up. The lavender foliage of the jungle world he was stranded on was certainly beautiful.

Yes, he could get used to this. He didn’t need Mike, he didn’t need anyone. Dr. Goondis could live out the rest of his days here alone, even if he had to lie to himself every day to do it.

It was then though, that a strange sound shook him from his thoughts. Goondis, surprised by another creature’s sudden appearance, sprung up from his rest, getting into a battle-ready pose and pulling his space gun out to aim it at the source of the noise.

“Plup, plup, plup!!” A small, blue, peachlike denizen chirped softly, smiling at the egg.

The gun was lowered, although uncertainly, and a small smile appeared on Goondis’ face. “Oh, hey there little fella! What’s your name?”

The creature didn’t respond, just continued smiling cheerfully and chirping its strange sounds.

“Plup? Is that your name?” Ernesto asked, amused by the adorable being.

It nodded happily in response. “Plup is name!!” The blue fruit cheered, but just as the words escaped its mouth, it exploded in a fiery blaze and a shower of blue chunks.

Horrified, Goondis stepped back, but was immediately surrounded by more of the plupping fruits, shouting out nonsensical phrases and cheering.

Not knowing what to do at first, Goondis readied his space gun again, but when no moves were made by the swarm of plupples, he realized they weren’t going to harm him. Although stupid and...apparently explosive..., they didn’t seem to be anything more than the peaceful denizens of this world.

One of the smallest in the group had hopped on top of his head, snuggling under his cap, and Ernesto couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. Others were rummaging through his small sack of supplies and equipment and others still were cuddling against him, letting out soft, contented plups every now and then.

Careful not to disturb the alien beings, Goondis laid back down in the purple foliage, feeling much more content with being stranded on this strange planet. After all, he seemed to have some pleasant company here, and although he might not be able to change his past, the future did look to be getting brighter.


End file.
